White Lesson 4/30
SAFE WORDS :
Things that you will need today :
1X Ice cream stick painted white
2X Separators sections
Safe Word Reading :
A safe word is a code word or series of code words that are sometimes used in BDSM to mean that a bottom or submissive is reaching a limit or for the Top/Dom to stop the scene play. Safe words are agreed on by all participants before playing a scene.
A safe word is generally used so that the submissive can scream "no, stop", etc. as much as
she/he wants without really meaning it, and yet still have a way of indicating a serious desire that the scene stops. Accordingly, a safe word is usually a word that the person would not
ordinarily say during a scene, such as red, tree, anomaly, or even safe word.
Another conversation is the reversal of the safe word principle. For example, a signal can be
agreed on where the Top might put a finger in the bottoms hand if the bottom has become
non-verbal (which may happen as they reach sub space or may happen if they become dis-
tressed). In this scenario the bottom squeezes a predetermined number of times to indicate
that they are OK and happy to proceed. If the signal is not received, the scene must stop.
A common request from the Top to the bottom, to check on their status, is to ask "What is
your colour?". In addition to red and yellow, green is a common safe word used to indicate,
"I'm fine" or perhaps "more please !".
In the case of role-playing, some simply drop out of character to safe word, such as having
the submissive address the Dominant by His/her first names. It is not enough just to drop out of role playing because this can be a lapse on the part of the role player and might otherwise
be a matter for discipline.
If used, the "stop" safe word should be respected unconditionally. After the bottom uses the
safe word , the activity or entire scene is over, inflicting pain or any physical forcing should be
stopped and all restraints should be removed immediately. Ignoring safe words is considered dishonourable and a deeply immoral practice in the BDSM community and can lead to
criminal charges. (The 'yellow safe word" mentioned above is however not obligatory.) The
precise safe word(s) should be discussed clearly; if one is used to one word and the other used
to another word, there is little harm in agreeing that either word will act as a safe word.
The fact that a safe word might have been agreed on does not lessen the Top's responsibilities for the well-being of the sub under the Top's control. It is quite possible that the sub may not be in an alert enough mental state or to be distressed to issue the safe word when in fact the scene has gone beyond what they can endure. The Top should always take active steps to check on the mental and physical state of their sub and not just assume the sub will "call time" when they have had enough.
Forms of Safe Words :
A safe word makes it possible for a submissive to say "No" or "Stop" and pretend as much as he or she wants without really meaning it while still having a safe way of indicating they seriously need the scene to stop. In theory a safe word is usually a word that the person would not ordinarily say during sex, such as ziggurat, Amie, or pinech. With the range of safe words in common use it is important that the safe word be negotiated beforehand.
Some partners may also have different gradations of safe words, such as green to mean "Okay" or even "harder" or "more", "yellow" to mean slow down, or "stop doing that" without stopping the scene and "red" to mean stop the scene. In this fashion, a Dominant partner may ask the submissive partner "What is your colour ?" to check with a submissive partner without having to stop the scene.
In other circumstances the safe word may not be a "word" at all, which is very useful when the submissive is bound and gagged. In these instances a signal such as dropping a bell or a ball, the snapping of fingers, or opening and closing both hands repeatedly or making three clear rhythmic grunts as a predefined signal to stop or otherwise slow down the scene. There is also a convention of Tops to put a finger in the submissive's hand as a sort of check in when the submissive has become non-verbal, such as may happen as they reach sub space. In this scenario the submissive squeezes the Tops finger to indicate OK.
Effects of Use :
A red safe word is only used when one of the partners needs it to end a scene. Many submissive partners may see the use of a safe word as being weak, and will push themselves past their "comfort" zone to please their partner. This may allow a submissive partner to expand their boundaries and learn what they are capable of but may also expose them to risk if they are pushed too far. Additionally, many Dominant partners may interpret the use of a safe word as a failure on their part, ie, failing to understand body language, to know their partner, or loss of control. This is also why gradations of safe words and/or actions that signify a scene may be becoming too much are commonly used (ie, Yellow) so that the partners can safely adjust the scene before crossing boundaries.
It is considered important in many parts of the BDSM community that the use of safe words should remain "no-fault" so that participants feel encouraged to use it if necessary. Discouraging the use of safe words runs the risk of scenes becoming non-consensual, harming Trust between partners and potentially damaging to their mental and emotional state.
A Top will often sensibly make clear beforehand that they will not agree to a scene if they do not believe the submissive will use the safe word as soon as they need to, and the submissive will not delay using the safe word and endure more than they really want to, simply to avoid disappointing the Top, since the Top will be far ore upset if they unwittingly inflict psychological trauma. In addition, intentionally disregarding the activation of a safe word is considered a serious ethical violation.
While many in the BDSM community consider safe words to be as essential part of safe play, there is a contingent that chooses to occasionally play without using safe words. They rely on the Dominant partner to monitor the condition of the submissive partner and stop if necessary, at their discretion. In such circumstances the "submissive" or Dominant must have consented not to have control over the duration of the scene in advance, this is often referred to as consensual non consent. Also, some people who routinely play with each other may agree to stop using safe words because they know each other's boundaries and are able to read each other's body language well. In any case "consensual non consent" is risky and advanced activity.
"Consensual non consent" may also occur if the Top and the submissive are re-enacting a punishment scene (eg. a shipboard flogging) in which the offender, played by the submissive, is sentenced to receive a certain number of lashes as punishment. Since the offender would not be able to use a safe word in such circumstances, the parties re-enacting the scene agree that it would be "out of character" for them to do so.
That's all for now, Stay Safe and Play Safe.
First of all before you do anything else, or go any further make sure you have a safe word.
To begin with, let's first define what a "safe word" is.
A safe word is a word chosen by a submissive and given to the Dominant that will halt a
scene whenever a submissive feels that their physical, emotional or mental safety is
threatened, or that a hard limit has been reached.
In addition to a safe word, many couples also rely upon "safe signals" for the same purposes,
since submissive;s may participate in scenes in which they are gagged or otherwise unable
to communicate verbally.
Here are some safe signals :
1.) The submissive can finger snap.
2) The submissive can use a dog trainers clicker to raise an alarm.
3) The submissive can use hand signals.
4) The submissive can make three clear and rhythmic grunts as a pre-defined signal to stop.
5) The Dominant can place a finger in submissive's hand, the submissive can squeeze to stop.
6) The submissive can use a sash or handkerchief that can be dropped.
7) The submissive can use a blink pattern where the submissive will do Morse with her eye-
lids. An SOS should work well. (Simple blink for a dot, scrunch in the rest of the bit
around your eyes for a dash).
8) The submissive can hold a set of keys or any other type of noisy item in your hand to drop
when needed.
9) While gagged if you have tried it and get it right the submissive can start humming a soing.
10) The submissive can stamp her foot.
Can you think of any safe signals to use that have not been mentioned ?
Safe words :
I recommend using at least two safe words:one for "lighten up" and one for "stop completely".
Make sure that today you tell your Dominant/submissive what your safe words will be and
please make sure never to forget them.
1) Safe word 1 and it's meaning : (lighten up) ?
2) Safe word 2 and it's meaning: (stop completely) ?
3) Non-verbal safe words and their meaning: ?
4) Will the "two squeezes" technique be used ?
5) Will the "extended hand" technique be used ?
When are some proper times for a safe word to be used ?
1) When the pain, or scene is too intense for you ?
2) When you feel afraid of what is going on ?
3) When you have a question about what is going on ?
4) When you have taken all that you feel capable of enduring ?
5) When something has triggered a memory, which is painful or scary to you ?
6) When something feels a bit off to you -- be it mentally, physically, or emotionally ?
7) When something in the scene has pushed past a limit of your comfort zone ?
Can you think of some for yourself that we have not mentioned ?
What are some times you wouldn't use a safe word:
1) When you are being punished for an infraction, and you can still handle the punishment ?
2) When something is NOT hurting you -- be it mentally, emotionally, or physically ?
3) When a boundary or limit is not being pushed ?
4) When you are simply having a normal conversation that is not heated ?
Can you think of some of your own ?
Today's To Do List :
1) Make a Safety section in your File.
2) Make a Discussion section in Your File.
3) In your Safety section write both your's and your Dominant's safe words, also write the
non-verbal safe words that will be used.
4) In your Discussion section of your File answer all the questions in this lesson and write
them neatly and place your finished work in your file.
5) Send all your finished work to your dominant.
6) Write safe words on your Ice cream stick and keep it.
Grand Master Clinton
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Good Evening Master Jamy
Here is my work for today :
1. Make a Safety section in your File.
2. Make a Discussion section in your File.
3. In your Safety section write both your's and your Dominant's safe words, also write the
non-verbal safe words that will be used.
4. In your Discussion section answer all the questions in this lesson and write them neatly
and place your finished work in your File.
5. Send all your finished work to your Dominant. Completed.
6. Write safe words on your Ice cream stick and keep it.
I hope and pray that you all enjoyed working on this lesson and learning all about Safe
Words and all about Safety. This is a great lesson to keep in your mind and review it when
you seem to forget your meanings and your own Safe Words also your Dominant's Safe
Words and His Signals. Play Safe and Stay Safe. But most of all have Fun ......
I would love to hear any of your comments !!!
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