White Lesson 11/30
COMMUNICATION IN BDSM
What you will need to complete today :
1X Ice cream stick painted white
Today we are going to learn about Communication in BDSM relationships.
Being able to communicate effectively is the most important of all life skills.
Communication is simply the act of transferring information from one place to
another, whether this be vocally, written, visually or non-verbally.
How well this information can be transmitted and received is a measure of how good
your communication skills are.
Developing your communication skills can help all aspects of your life, from your
professional life to social gatherings and everything in between. The ability to
communicate information accurately, clearly and as intended, is a vital life skill and
something not to be overlooked. It's never too late to work on you communication
skills and by doing so improve your quality of life.
What is the most important thing in true BDSM relationships ? One can say that
scenery plays a major role, others will probably say it's the good knowledge of the
partner's roles; some may even suggest it's the use of right BDSM toys that rules the
play. With all of these, one thing can be said for sure, there are no effective and
successful relationships within BDSM relationships without good communication skills.
What is good communication in BDSM relationships ?
Good communication is what we learn throughout our life and what quite difficult task is
for those who are not willing to cooperate. It'a a mistaken idea that BDSM relationships
are about beating, torturing, punishments and all that stuff, this outward vision often hides
something more important, which is in any way a basis for any relationships.
I personally wish people would find out more about the lifestyle before they think this.
Communication is the most important aspect of a D/s relationship; it can either make or
brak most relationships, including your D/s relationship.
You can improve your D/s relationship today, right now, by putting into practice some of
these tips for improving the communication in your relationship.
1. Stop and listen to your Dominant/submissive.
2. Force yourself to hear.
3. Be open and honest with your partner.
4. Pay attention to nonverbal signals.
5. Stay focused in the here and now.
6. Try to minimize emotion when talking about important, big decisions.
7. Be ready to cede an argument.
8. Humour and playfulness usually helps.
9. Communicating is more than just talking.
To communicate better and more effectively in your relationship, you don't only have to talk.
You can communicate in other ways like through your actions, and nowadays, electronically
too (through email, Facebook, blog's, texting or Twitter).
All too often, couples focus only on the talking aspect of their relationship, but your actions
also speak loudly. Keeping in touch throughout the day or week through email or other
electronic means also reminds the person you're thinking about them and how important
they are in your life. Even if such communications are mainly playful or inconsequential, they
can help lighten your partner's day and improve their mood.
Some couples also find that using email or another method is easier to discuss emotional
issues rather than trying to do so face-to-face. It's something to consider if every time you
try and bring up a particular topic with your significant other, it turns into an argument or
they shy away from it. Email or texting may be a way of communicating about such matters
more openly and directly.
Nobody is a perfect communicator all the time. But you can work to become a better
communicator by trying a few of these tips. They won't all work, nor will they work all the
time. Better communication, however, starts with one person making the effort to improve,
which often encourages the other to come along for the ride.
Communication is vital to the BDSM lifestyle, and you cannot effectively communicate if
everybody isn't using the same language.
What do you get from effective communication ?
It's the effective communication that distinguishes successful relationships from just a
rough talk without any goal. What every communication act is basically aimed at is a
result where both parties get what they expected from the very beginning and maybe more.
So what are the benefits of good communication ?
-- It gives you the opportunity to make a connection in a BDSM relationship deeper and
stronger.
-- You get the notion of what the other part; either submissive or Dominant particularly wants.
-- It builds that special bond built on trust and mutual respect.
Good communication also includes :
1. Work on trust.
The first things about building D/s relationship that are going to last is to have faith in
each other. It can take you a while before you feel the other side can be trusted. In fact
with the time trust is becoming stronger in the long run, unless you make an effort to
ruin it. If you try to keep things secret it can be ok for some situations, but when you
just don't reveal your true intentions and feelings it's another pair of shoes. It's clearer
when you say it directly about your likes and dislikes, your thoughts and intentions.
That's how a trust is built on and that's the communication which makes the relationship
work for their purpose.
2. Make it clear and precise.
A lot of disputes and misunderstanding have their roots in the communication which was
not clear or precise. A steady flow of vague words are making conversation incompre-
hensible. If you have something to say just do it in a direct manner. Try to get to the core
of the matter and make precise orders or give more comprehensive answers. There is no
good in unexpected things as BDSM scenery is supposed to be consensual. That's why
such things may hold a great risk for both. The parties should be aware of the possible
consequences and that is how specifying details carefully and precisely is of great
importance in BDSM play.
3. Learn to listen.
Give your partner time to talk out until he has everything. Interrupting the other part half
way shows your disrespect for him. It is sometimes hard to put your deep emotions into
words that's why listening carefully means you are calmly listening to the partner, and
make a pause giving any answer.
4. Give a feedback.
It is also important not only to listen but to give a feedback to the one you talk to. Since
all of us have our own perceptions and put different meanings into words, clarifying what
has been said is useful to find a common ground. In order to really understand whether
you got it right, it's useful to say it over again to your partner. It is better to make things
clear right away and don't put off till the misunderstandings will accumulate and your
communication will turn into claims.
5. Keep your emotions under control.
Never consider BDSM play if you feel you are losing control of your emotions. Being angry,
stressed or frustrated has no good for successful communication especially where the
risk takes its place. This is especially true for the Dominant as He is the one to rule the
game.
What is Healthy and Unhealthy Communication ?
Healthy Communication :
1. Make communication time a priority, Listen actively.
2. Maintain eye contact (as much as is possible).
3. Maintain a clear perspective of the past, present & future.
4. Be honest and don't assume anything.
5. When in doubt ask for more information.
6. Take time out if things get too intense, but always agree to come back and talk about
the feelings.
7. Refrain from blaming or shaming.
Unhealthy Communications :
1. Shows resentment, is inflexible.
2. Withdrawals both emotionally and physically, blame the other person.
3. Escalates discussions into arguments, evades important issues.
4. Is dishonest.
5. Assumes the partner knows your desires, thoughts and needs, and is angry when they
get it wrong.
6. Spends more time interrupting, rather than listening.
Try assertive speech -- Assertive speech is a type of communication in which individuals
clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs
without violating the rights of others.
It is noted that assertive speech is a tool that is exceptionally useful to both D-types and
s-types and is a foundational skill for healthy BDSM relationships.
1). Will you as the submissive promise to always communicate well with your Dominant ?
2). Will you as the Dominant promise to always communicate well with your submissive ?
3). Do you feel communication is important ?
Today's to do list :
1). Please answer the above questions in your discussion section of your file and send
them to your Dominant/submissive after reading everything.
2). Write about this in your discussion section of your file and send a photo of it to your
Dominant.
3). Write communication on a white Ice cream stick and keep it, this will be used soon.
Grand Master Clinton
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Good evening Master Jamy
Here is my work for today :
1. Please answer the above questions in your discussion section of your file and send
them to your Dominant/submissive after reading everything.
2. Write about this in your discussion section for your file and send a photo of it to your
Dominant.
3. Write communication on a white Ice cream stick and keep it, this will be used soon.
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I hope and pray that you learned all about Communication and how important
it is for a relationship to succeed. As I know from experience that when
communication is not related to each party, how can a relationship
survive. It can't and the trust and bond that you developed is
now breaking down without proper communication.
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