White Lesson 14/30
BDSM LIMITS :
What you will need to complete today's lesson :
2X Ice cream sticks painted white.
What are hard and soft limits do you know ?
Today we are going to learn about hard and soft limits, as you go further in the course
you will get hard and soft limits to decide on and write down on a hard and soft limit sheet
that you will always keep with you.
You have made section in your submissive file for your hard and soft limits, this will be
where you can write all your hard and soft limits in as you get them.
By the end of this course you will have a full list of your hard and soft limits so don't worry
about all of them today, just think of a few that come to mind.
What is the difference between soft and hard limits ?
I started to think about some of the issues I see in BDSM books and I don't think they were
well understood or explained. Two related items that came to my mind quickly were soft and
hard limits.
Setting Limits :
Both Bominan's and submissive's can set limits. Limits can be agreed to verbally or they can
be incorporated into a formal contract. Sometimes the participants engage in a formal
conversation about limits and boundaries; this is referred to as negotiations.
No Limits :
Some partners choose not to set limits. This is commonly seen in total power exchange
dynamics, consensual non-consent, and edge play. Whether or not this type of arrangement
is considered "safe, sane and consensual" is a matter of some controversy in BDSM
communities. (We Don't Recommend These, And We Don't Recommend Having A No Limit).
Types of Limits :
The terminology varies slightly across different local communities and internet forums.
However there are general usages recognized across most BDSM populations.
Here is a definition of each.
A soft limit is something you're wary of but may try in the future, and hard limits are things
you absolutely are NOT okay with. And of course you have a safe word to stop play at anytime.
Soft Limit :
A soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for
which they may still give informed consent. An action could be prohibited except under specific circumstances or an area of discomfort that someone wishes to avoid. Soft limits can also include actions that require a cautious approach or while somewhat appealing still generate an uncomfortable amount of apprehension in one or more partners.
A Soft limit is something which is not necessarily set in stone. It may be flexible, may be pushed or may change over time and/or with experience or knowledge of that type of play.
Hard Limit :
A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship.
A hard limit is what someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable (may or may not be subject to change over time, a hard limit will never change at all.).
Requirement limit :
A requirement limit, or must-limit, is something without which one or more partners will ot
participate in the scene. Examples include "lots of hair pulling is a must-limit for me" or "if
you're going to flog me, I'll need lots of aftercare.
Here is a bit more about Hard and Soft Limits :
HARD LIMITS vs SOFT LIMITS
Do you know your Hard Limits ?
Do you know your Soft Limits ?
A BDSM interaction can literally fly or fall based on this one, simple puzzle piece being in
place. I have seen the most well-meaning couples overlok this area with disastrous results,
and I have seen absolute newbie's fly ecstatically with each other because they took the time
to address these concepts well before they started to play. I cannot recommend enough that
each and every single person in the global BDSM/D/s/Fetish scene should know your own
hard and soft limits.
So the question comes up then : How do you know your limits, especially if you are a newbie ?
Read on and find out what to look for, what to address, and what to weigh out,,,,,
HARD LIMITS :
A HARD LIMIT is a limit that is inflexible and won't change. Sure perhaps some unforeseen
circumstance ight sway that one day, but odds are against it. So how do you truly know
your own Hard Limits ?
A Hard Limit is a boundary you are aware of when you are in a state of absolute calm. You
cannot properly identify a hard limit if you are excited, sad, joyous, angry, passionate,
yearning, etc as the perception of what the limit is will be biased by the emotion and there
fore could sway easily in the opposite direction when the opposite emotion is experienced.
Therefore, if you really want to know your Hard Limits, examine them next time you are in a
state of complete peace and calm.
A Hard Limit can only be known from this state of simple, day-to-day simplicity. It is a state
that is untouched by fear, angst, irritation, anger, joy, bliss, ecstasy or any other emotion
that is even one step away from being completely centered. Your hard limits will feel very
Matter-Of-Fact. Only when you are in such a state of absolute calm can you feel how straight
forward and easy it is to know your own hard limits. They come forth with this purely Matter-
Of-Fact quality, as easy as asking someone for a glass of water.
The submissive's hard limits will usually involve more specific kinds of activity or play. For
example a submissive who knows she has a phobia might have a hard limit in regards to
experiences which could elicit the phobic reaction. A claustrophobic submissive might be
fine with simple blindfolds and gags, but she may have a hard limit about full hoods or being
enclosed in whole-body plastic-wrap bondage. What makes this a hard limit is that she
camly knows that such an experience would take her to a very uncomfortable place, possibly
from her own past experience. True, one day she may get past the phobia, but it can still be
a hard limit --- meaning absolutely not --- in the present.
The Dominant's hard limits are usually a bit more broadly phrased along the lines of "the
submissive will relinquish the following areas of control to me", this more or less delineates
what The Dominant absolutely requires to feel that He can preform His finest Art with the
submissive. The Dominant's Hard Limits might equally pertain to behaviours that the
submissive is not permitted, most often because they go against certain Protocols.
Both The Dominant and the submissive might also have simple, straight-forward, "itemised"
Hard Limits, such as "no golden showers," which wold plainly and simply indicate that they
are just not interested in that kind of play. Since a Dominant and submissive who are about
to embark into a submissive contract have usually been together for at least a short while,
odds are they already know what the other person is'In To". As such, the exact details of the
kinds of play that is mutual hard limits which are already known might be left unwritten in
the Contract. For example, if both have known from quite early on that neither is into golden
showers, then by the time of the Contract one could easily see it becoming a de facto (given
and understood) piece of knowledge and thus there is often no need to state this in the
Contract. Various other de facto elements are also often left out of a submissive contract,
unless one person feels an exceptionally strong need to have it in the Contract. Conversely,
sometimes a de facto element might simply word nicely so as to add to the poetic quality of
the Contract. The latter is more often the case of The Dominant's Hard Limits, which are often
stated in the Contract as the poetic "Rules" the submissive will abide by even though she may
already be quite happily living up to a variety of these Rules already.
SOFT LIMITS :
A SOFT or flexible limit is a boundary that one is open to having pushed or changed under the
right circumstances. It usually describes something that perhaps currently makes the submissive a little frightened or nervous, yet at the same time it equally intrigues her and draws her forward ever so slightly.
A soft limit means that perhaps at some point in the future, in a moment of trust, the submissive thinks she would be willing and even like to explore into that area. This soft limit, though the submissive does not want to try it in the present, has a flexible and therefore "soft" quality to the boundary, and the submissive's curtiosity is a door which may open in the future when the time is right. An example of a soft limit could be canes ( as above) as too intense for her based on her past threshold pushing experiences of the cane with previous amateur Dominant's. Yet at the same time, she may have seen other submissive's at various S&M parties absolutely smiling blissfully from being sensuously caned. She might feel that she is not ready to try the cane right away, but when the Dominant assures her that His style of caning is like the styles used on the smiling women at the club, the submissive might allow this soft limit to be tested. As such, she is communicating that one day she would like to try a sensual caning from the Dominant when she feels ready.
A Soft Limit is all about an accumulated building of trust in relation to the topic of the soft limit. To declare something a soft limit is to say, "Not right now, but one day I think I might like to try it" after trust is built.
Today's to do list :
1) After reading all this about hard and soft limits send to your Dominant a few hard and soft
limits that you can think of at the moment then put it in your hard and soft limit section
of your file.
2) Write about hard and soft limits in your hard and soft limit section and send it to your
Dominant.
3) Write Hard Limits on a white Ice cream stick and Soft Limits on another stick and keep
them.
4) Send a photo to your Dominant of you holding all of your submissive sticks that you
have so far.
Grand Master Clinton
😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉
Good Evening Master Jamy
Here is my work for today :
1) After reading all this about hard and soft limits send to your Dominant a few hard and soft
limits that you can think of at the moment then put it in your hard and soft limit section
of your file.
2) Write about hard and soft limits in your hard and soft limit section and send it to your
Dominant.
3) Write Hard Limits on a white Ice cream stick and Soft Limits on another stick and keep
them.
4) Send a photo to your Dominant of you holding all of your submissive sticks that you
have so far.
💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋
I do hope and pray that anyone who viewed this lesson on Hard & Soft Limits learned
more about them and that they are necessary that they are put into place and that you
as a Dominant and a submissive do know your Hard & Soft Limits. I know from life's
experience that not all Dominant's will honor a submissive's limits and not all Dominant's
follow any protocols of the lifestyle. If you can't Trust your partner you should not be
with them. I wish all to play safely and to be safe and have fun. SSC.
😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻
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